Parenting

 

I've been working on my degree from BYU-Idaho online. The following 3 posts are some of what I've learned in my class, Family 120-Parenting. While I am in no way the perfect parent, I have learned some valuable lessons I’d love to share. The course is based on The National Extension Parent Education Model (NEPEM)(Smith et.al, 1994). (Here is a link if you’d like to learn more about NEPEM.)

 

 

Guidance – Dealing with Toddler Tantrums

 

While at the park one day I observed a mother deal with her rowdy 2-year-old child. He was hitting other children and taking their toys. She grabbed him by the arm forcefully and swatted his bottom. She reprimanded him by commanding, “Be sweet Jackson!” The little boy cried and whined for a good minute, swatted at his mother angrily, then proceeded to bother the other children more. This child was not a bad kid, he was just misguided. How is a 2-year-old going to understand “be sweet” while his mother was being anything but that to him. If we want a child to behave, we must behave.

 

Tantrums and toddlers seem to go hand in hand. While tantrums will still happen, we can

de-escalate the tantrum by how we respond. Young children often do not have the vocabulary or maturity to tell you what they are feeling so they respond with tantrums. If we vocalize for them in a calm manner it is often enough to de-escalate. Here is an exchange I had with my 3-year-old, Addie:

 

Addie: Spencer took the blankie from me! (She is very hysterical and screaming about it. I had watched the situation and know that she was actually the one trying to take the blanket from Spencer. She was angry when he didn’t immediately give it to her.)

 

Me: (Very calmly) You wanted that blankie didn’t you.

 

Addie: (Calmer now) Yes.

 

Me: Spencer is using it right now. Try asking him nicely to share it with you.

 

Addie: Okay.

 

Of course, Spencer rejected her plea and the problem was not simply resolved. This is REAL life people! It rarely resolves simply! What did happen was that Addie calmed down when I helped her find the words to express her desires. She also understood that I wanted her to speak kindly to Spencer.

Amazingly, sometimes they get along! Addie has heard that book so many times that she has it memorized. She also calls the tree in front of our house the spooky old tree. Spencer was so kind to read it to her again.

 

Here is a site with some excellent advice for taming tempers in toddlers. (O'Donnell, 2018) 

 

References:

O'Donnell (2014) Taming Tempers, Kids Health from Nemours, https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/temper.html

 

 Smith, C. A., Cudaback, D., Goddard, H. W., & Myers-Walls, J. (1994). National Extension Parent Education Model. Manhattan, Kansas: Kansas Cooperative Extension Service.